Digest Archive

[Brian Cronin]

8-6-2007 (PART I)

"I don't want to come across as a know-it-all now though. I mean, I do, but I don't want to come across as one."
~ Justin Davis



K'Nort: "So in what form do you eat tuna?"
Paul McEnery: "I like to wear the form of a wildebeest."



"Alcohol is the thing to do when depressed.

Or when celebrating something.

Or when having a run-of-the-mill day.

Or..."
~ coke & comics



Tadhg Adams: "Spike. I'm loving Beryl with the transparencies and the window cube and the fire."
Paul McEnery: "Is that like Jeannie with the light brown hair, but with a much longer melody line."



"I'm contractually obligated not to get into the specifics of how happy and or excited I am for you, but I am happy and or excited for you to some degree which will be decided on at an unspecified, later date."
~ kmeyers



Athena Bast: "Boobies good."
Jared Humpherys: "That pretty much sums up the cosmology of my world."



"I NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY. I MERELY TYPE IN BIG LETTERS TO THROW OFF THE SCENT."
~ Ed Cunard



"Are you mad at black people for not being more interested in indie comics?"
~ Kid Omega



"Welcome to my world, enjoy your uneventful stay."
~ Deathstroke



Jeff Brady: "I never knew 1/2-ply toilet paper existed, but the people who manage my office building seem to have found it."
gary bolt: "That's crappy."
Jeff Brady: "You don't know the half of it."



"I hope everyone's a Skrull.
Except for the clones.

And the Space Phantoms."
~ Pól Rua



"I've come to the conclusion that if an explanation has layers of conspiracy theory, it's bullshit.

I learned this by being a parent."
~ Winslow



"How can you leave the first appearance of Speedball lying around like that? It should be in some sort of safe."
~ Gingold



"Fireworks are cool, but it bugs me that I can't sleep for a week around Independence Day. Every Hick down in Hickville, the tall and the small, has to get illegal fireworks and set them off until three in the morning."
~ Matt Algren



Winslow: "We went out and ate Vietnamese instead."
Deathstroke: "Did they put up much of a fight?"



"So, Doctor Von Serverlag...
We meet again..."
~ Pól Rua



Alex: "I just thought of the worst idea for a comic ever, and if it hasn't been done, i bet it will be in the future.

And it goes on for 5 months, and it sucks balls, and kurt busiek writes it."
Kurt Busiek: "No.

No, he doesn't.

Trust me, he doesn't."



K'Nort: "In other news, guess who arrives for a five day visit in approximately two hours."
Paul McEnery: "You're that precise about your period?"



"The secret of life?

OK, here goes: A Mommy and a Daddy love each other very much. So much so, in fact, that even though they play kissy-face in Daddy's car, they don't reach under each other's underpants for what seems to Daddy to be many, many months, until one night, after buying Mommy many wine coolers, Daddy convinces Mommy to at least give Daddy an elevator ride around the block. Finally, Mommy harangues Daddy into forking out way too much money for a ring and they get married, whereupon Daddy finally gets to put his hoo-hoo-dilly in Mommy's cha-cha. Then the miracle of conception happens, whereupon Mommy refuses to let Daddy's hoo-hoo-dilly near her, as it may thump Baby in the forehead.

After Baby is born, Mommy is very tired all the time and Daddy spends a lot of time watching the cheerleader competitions late at night on ESPN2.

Sometime later, Daddy moves out of the house for a time, after Mommy catches Daddy and the babysitter doing naked push-ups together.

After 28 years, Baby moves out and Mommy and Daddy spend lots of time together, whereupon Daddy takes up golf. And fishing. And hunting. And poker. And Mommy spends much more time with the pool man than is normally comfortable.

This goes on until one day, Daddy gets a headache that starts in his arm and has to go to the hospital for a very long time. When he comes home, Daddy has to sit in his wheelchair and eat applesauce and Mommy has to change Daddy's diapers. Then, suddenly, Daddy goes to sleep one night and doesn't wake up and is found with his pillow over his head. And Mommy takes the life insurance money and goes on a long cruise with the pool man.

The end."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr



"I'm not much of drinker since I had my 'Bon Scott' moment."
~ Athena Bast



"Hmmmm. Baffling. There just might be a possibility that these "parasites" are emanating from you. Are you a succubus of some sort, perchance?"
~ nervmeister



"John's got a BA in Psychology so he obviously knows what he's talking about.

That reminds me, I have to go see a mechanic about my bad back."
~ Iangould



Wesley Dodds: "I had no idea Socrates walked."
BlairH: "Yeah, I was always under the impression that he floated from place to place like David Blane."



"Charlie Hanson was the less know brother of the famous trio. Despite a body count in the 20's, historians will debate his legacy of evil with that of his famous siblings for years."
~ Ryan Kirk



"Well, now I own a stillson wrench.
All I need is one candlestick and I can play real life Clue at home."
~ Guapo Méndez



"The butler. The team-up sequences. The flying snowboard. The omelette making scene. All seemed to cheesey to me. And not the good kind of cheese. The individually wrapped, processed kind."
~ Gingold



Typo Lad: "Here's something to help you non-breeders commit to your lifestyle.

Tot wet the bed last night.

Our bed."
Michael P: "I'm writing a thank-you note to the good people at Trojan Condoms right now."



"We called sock puppets clones at the Crossgen Board.

I had one called Carl Jung and another guy had one called Sigmund Freud, and we would get into debates about the mental health of other posters.

I'm surprised I didn't get banned for that."
~ Winslow



"Tomorow, i'm not going to remind you to breathe, in the hopes that you die."
~ Alex



"Bourbon is like vitamins in a bottle."
~ Joe Rice



"I'll name my next dog mud, and call my niece and nephew motorcycle and tourist."
~ Smoogis



"You can never go wrong with a cover featuring Wonder Woman fighting a bunch of gorillas."
~ Brian Cronin



"I'd like to find the man who invented the Flaming Edgar and shake his hand. After he washed it, of course."
~ Pól Rua



"I'm a bit depressed and angry at myself at the moment.

Maybe downing a $100 bottle of whisky will help."
~ coke & comics



"Microphone killed the opera star!"
~ J. Robb



"It's drinking alone that makes you an alcoholic. Drinking with friends makes you a bon vivant."
~ Gingold



"I think that The Godfather is a really great MOVIE!"
~ kmeyers



"Back in my day, we had Bartles & Jaymes to soften up the young ladies' undercarriages."
~ Ray R.



"I know you!
You're ZIMA, WARRIOR PRINCESS!"
~ Pól Rua



"On another note, I am DRUNK!"
~ jessecuster3



"It was refreshing hearing someone call my wife an 'Asian ho-bag' and get away with it."
~ Honest Joe Rice

"There's a door,
see it?
Now, go through it.

then come back cause that's the bathroom.
Use the other door."

~ Rallura



"My booze-fuelled irresponsibility senses are tingling all to bejeezus and back!"
~ Pól Rua



"No guys like comics, except for ugly ones. Only girls like comics- everybody knows that! I've never seen a guy in a comic shop, and if anyone says they have, they're living a lie.

In other news, you're dead to me."
~ Kid Omega



"Never let it be said I don't do the right thing htere.

I a m ver y drunk right now"
~ Joe Rice



Sonicjuce: "I am an English major."
Ray R.: "What do you where to English class?"



"I am a guy, so when I tell you one thing, I mean that one thing."
~ Mac Danny



Matt Algren: "I thought the scene with Hal jacking off into Roy's old Arsenal costume was a bit over the top."
ragnarok_2012: "If not for Identity Crisis, I'd automatically assume you were kidding..."
Gingold: "Sure it sounds creepy when you take it out of context like that."

[Brian Cronin]

8-6-2007 (PART II)

"I just figured Brando needed that butter for an english muffin or something."
~ Gingold



Legionair: "I write for a living"
Josh S: "I was going to make a snide comment, but then I remembered I'm grossly underqualified for my job as well."



"Deathstroke calls his garage a 'car hole'."
~ Gingold



Matt Linton: "Both books sell more than Cable/Deadpool, Heroes For Hire, and Spider-Girl."
Jake V: "2 of them will be cancelled by the end of the year."
StrikeForce Albert: "Not if old men posing as young girls have anything to say about it"



"I have no idea what you are saying. You might as well go back to posting in French, at least then I can make out every third word."
~ Merey

[Brian Cronin]

9-19-2007

"Huey Lewis and the News is the greatest band of all time, highly underrated. Had a lot of great songs.

That was my jessecuster moment of the day."
~ Dom



"if your account gets hacked, it means popularity

not that I'm complaining about mine not being hacked, I'm just complaining about my internet penis envy"
~ Thorlief



"Ah, the internet.
Where men are men, women are men, and children are men with badges.

...

Honestly, you can't even trust the elf centaurs with penis tentacles anymore."
~ Pól Rua



Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Excellent. Good to see our boys at the Onion banging on Favre."
Jared_Humpherys: "You're not jealous?"



"Where's Ed? We need the Nelly Squad in full effect."
~ Paul McEnery



Superbeast: "Everything is a potential bong if it has three dimensions and two chambers."
Gingold: "You could build a bong out of Congress."



"Not in a bong. Not for a song.
Not in a blunt. Not on a hunt.
Not in a pipe. Not with a snipe.
Not in a joint. Not at the pointe.
Not in a roach. Not in a coach.

I do not like green buds and smoke. I do not like them, not a joke."
~ Gingold



"I don't control the 8-ball. I just obey it."
~ Brandon Hanvey



Lone Ranger: "Eating at Hooters for the food is the culinary equivalent of reading Playboy for the articles."
Ed Cunard: "Actually, the articles in PLAYBOY do tend to be pretty good. They print fiction from people like Joyce Carol Oates, Thom Jones, and Tobias Wolff.

I'd say it's the culinary equivalent of reading Hustler for the articles."
Dreadstar: "John Updike."
Ed Cunard: "I think that might be a different magazine."



Stellar: "I think Sir Tim Drake's right, people would probably get bored after the first ten minutes."
Puma: "Not Americans. We like explosions, car chases, and mayhem.



Just look at our foreign policy."



"I was so dissapointed when I found out the lyrics in We Built this City were not in fact 'my pony plays La Bamba'.

Those lyrics made that song."
~ Ryan K



"I'm Irish. We use pale bellies as a kind of sex lighthouse on dark, stormy nights."
~ Pól Rua



Stellar: "So like, what happens after we close up shop?"
Pól Rua: "The Roybots and the Cronbots come in and tidy up all the pee, the dead hookers and the munky poo, we flush out all the taps of all the sour, flat beer, hose out the buffet, and start mucking the place up allover again.
Usually, howy presents us with two bottles and a racoon has sex with a dog.

I feel for that poor ol' dog, but tradition's tradition."



howyadoin: "I don't understand how you manage to keep that joke so fresh."
Pól Rua: "I'm drunk.

Alcohol's a natural preservative. It keeps jokes funny for ages."



"If there is something the greeks know about, aside from anal sex, it's Yogurt."
~ Mac Danny



"I can't help but get a boner when I even hear the words 'shoot' ''em' or 'up' at this point."
~ Joe Rice



"Chicks should be naked. They shouldn't be punished for it unless they are fat and/or ugly."
~ Forefinger



Nikita: "Paris, Lindsay and Brittney, I'm sick to death of. I wish they'd all go swimming and drown somewhere."
SPAfreak: "That's a bit harsh isn't it?

It should happen over a period of months so the media could milk it properly."



"An advantage the Buffy comics have over the show is that you can pretend that acting is good."
~ Gingold



"When winter comes I'll be posting like a chimp with down syndrome on crystal meth."
~ Tadhg Adams



Athena Bast: "When did Bon Jovi become a country act?"
Ray R.: "He's a cowboy. On a steel horse he rides."



"So, I don't know how many of you guys drink microbrewery beers, but one of my favorites is Magic Hat, and they writes these messages under bottlecaps. Like fortune cookies for alcoholics. Anyway, I just opened a Circus Boy and my bottlecap said, "How did you get like this?"

Wow. Very profound, bottlecap. How did I get like this? Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a kid. Maybe my mom and dad did a shitty job raising me. Maybe Uncle Dan giving me my first beer when I was eight wasn't such a good idea! Maybe I don't have anything to look forward to at the end of the day but the bottom of a bottle! **** you, bottlecap! Stop judging me!"
~ Jack Zodiac

[Brian Cronin]

10-18-2007

"A lot of **** cheap is still a lot of ****."
~ Guapo Méndez



"I'm very familiar with Carlin's 7 words, just saw the word '****' and got excited enough to post out of context. "
~ beetheb



"At our High school you're not allowed to leave unless you're crazy. If you are crazy, all you have to do to leave is ask. But only crazy people would stay, so as soon as you ask to leave you are no longer considered crazy. I'm going crazy in here!

It should have tipped me off when they renamed the school Joseph Heller High."
~ Demon wizard



"Jesus Christ, do you have a string on your back you pull to bring up nonsensical point after nonsensical point?"
~ Jack Zodiac



Tages: "Now with howy gone, I can take over Rita's.

*organizes coup, rounds up dissidents, marches in victory parade*"
Spike-X: "I knew it!

Libertarian, my arse!"
Tages: "You will be the first against the wall."



"Pot gives you fat fingers! And it makes your dog talk to you.

Huh... wait, what's the downside of smoking pot, again?"
~ Jack Zodiac



Stellar: "I thought Ed had a vagina."
Ed Cunard: "I did, but then it started fucking some other guy."



".....uh, yay buttsex?"
~ Squirrel



"Let me know if I become tiresome . . er, more than usual."
~ Winslow



"Elton still hasn't written "Candle in the Wind 2007" for Anna Nicole Smith.

'Goodbye Triple D's...'"
~ Valmore



coke & comics: "I think I've been through most. Anger, joy, sorrow, hunger, sleepiness."
Pól Rua: "You only need Bashful and Doc for the whole set."



"You think walking a cute dog will pull you some hot chicks, try walking a bear with a hat."
~ Ryan K



Joe Rice: "I dipped into my stash of George T. Stagg."
Michael P: "Isn't that Metamorpho's father-in-law?"



"I'm probably the only person who's had a 'date' end badly with a heated argument about Woodrow Wilson."
~ Mike Smash!



darkhanamaru: "i need a good santeria curse to send to my client who just did an absolutely stupid thing"
Paul McEnery: "Curse them to like Gambit."



"Okay, now, wait, yeah, I think I got it.

So the principle is, if you don't let nazis run around recruiting vicious and ignorant thugs, then soon you won't have any nazis around at all to...

No, no.

Just give me a minute..."
~ Paul McEnery



"I'm sure if you keep re-arranging the words in that sentence, you'll find the joke eventually."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr



Matt Algren: "I set 'em up, you knock 'em down."
thespianphryne: "It's better than setting them down and..."



"This fup language is getting to my ones."
~ Matt Algren



Super Hero Guy: "What if there were a 'cure' for homosexuality?"
captain_unimpressive: "It depends.

Is the pill a suppository?"



"Every time you change an alias to a real name a baby angel dies of syphilis."
~ Pól Rua



"Gabies are what you get if you get bitten by a homosexual dog."
~ Gingold



"I'm sorry, but until the Nobel committee acknowledges my pioneering efforts in the field of 'No Fatties' t-shirts, I'm not going to give them a damn minute of my time."
~ Agent Helix



"Let's see.....what rhymes with Quesada......


Torquemada?

Empanada?

Hello, Muddah, Hello Fadda, Here I am at Camp Grenada?"
~ Ray R.



"Shouldn't Axl get Chinese Democracy completed before singing on the horse blow job soundtrack thing?"
~ Gingold



howyadoin: "They killed Jimmy Olson and left us with...

I dunno, who's lamer than Jimmy?"
Tadhg Adams: "Giant Turtle Boy"
Pól Rua: "You make Giant Turtle Boy cry."
Tadhg Adams: "What's he ever done for me?"
Pól Rua: "Dude! It's GIANT TURTLE BOY!"



"I don't get why it is Shiny, but it's Ross. Everything he draws looks like it's been cum on by fan boys."
~ Mac Danny on the new Captain America



"It's a bird! It's a plane!

It's...!

Holy ****, I think it's Liberace."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr on the new Captain America



"Everytime I pick up my newborn daughter, she tries to breastfeed. If that isn't incentive to hit the gym, I don't know what is."
~ Lone Ranger



"You know, I became a honorary member of the Pequot Indian Tribe after I spent fourteen straight hours playing blackjack at Foxwoods Casino. It's one of the comps there.


Just call me Ray Doublesdown-Often. I'll use it for all the work I get in the comics industry once they open the doors of the Old Boys & Gail Simone Club."
~ Ray R.



"When I bake Doug chocolate chip cookies, he loves me for one week solid.

Long enough for me to hide the money."
~ bipolar danger girl



Nikita: "I take sex very seriously. It's not a laughing matter."
Michael P: "It is the way I do it."



"My family's German/Czech. When we run out of living room, we invade ourselves."
~ Michael P



"Why would I want two copies? This isn't X-Force #1 we're talking here."
~ DonC



"I wish one of the super powers on Heroes was 'good acting.'"
~ jesse_custer



fly on the wall: "Lola Falana is dead?

God I feel so old."
Paul McEnery: "Don't bother God about it. You're older than him, too."



"Ed, for a guy that apparently fucks dictionaries, you're getting your ass kicked at Scrabble a LOT."
~ Agent Helix

[Brian Cronin]

11-26-2007

Michael P: "There are apparently a great number of people who care who gets to publish a comic called 'Harbinger' or 'Dr. Mirage.'"
Typo Lad: "The end is Nigh."




"Oh like YOU never Meditate..

Meditate is the one where you touch yourself, right?"
~ Mac Danny




K'Nort: "You'd have to be able to imagine Power Girl as a redhead."
Jeff Brady: "Oh, like that'll take a lot of brain power."




"While I like Suydam as an artist - the whole zombie thing seems like fresh lipstick on an old whore."
~ Lone Ranger




"It just occured to me that Xanax is a palindrome.

That's Creepy, but not really Eerie."
~ Lone Ranger again




Agent Helix: "Dom I will kick you in the scrotum so hard that a child will explode in Bangladesh."
Dom: "I will take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!"




HomerJay: "I guess 'conspiracy nuts' is a less painful condition than 'blue balls'."
Michael P: "'Conspiracy nuts' is what you get when a woman's friends conspire to prevent her from going home with you."




"I think getting stabbed at a Barenaked Ladies concert is the definition of adding insult to injury."
~ Gingold




jessecuster3: "If you have no idea how something works, why in hell would you try to write software to do it?"
Jared_Humpherys: "Ask Microsoft."




Michael P: "Now I've got a Star Trek/Muppets crossover in my head that won't go away..."
Kid Omega: "Farscape?"




"I was thinking the other day that the reason places like World of Warcraft and Second Life do well is that everyone hates their life and wants to be someone else.

Has technology made it impossible for people to accept that their life may be nothing more than the day to day grind and Sunday mowing the lawn?

Do we wish to have better lives so strongly that we fail to see the simple pleasures of the one we are living?

I think there comes a time when you must realize a certain amount of suck in your life will always be there and parading around the internet as an elf isn't going to change that.

What happened to the generations of the past that were content with what hand life dealt them.

Is it ironic that I post this on a message board?"
~ Mac Danny





"How much older does Mark Millar have to get before we can sweep him under the rug as the next John Byrne?"
~ Tadhg Adams





howyadoin: "Mornin', fuckers. How was your weekend?"
jessecuster3: "Mine must have been good, I lost so many brain cells even Algren can beat me at scrabble."




jessecuster3: "According to EW they hate Dane Cook as well, but said he fit the part well in this movie."
Agent Helix: "I hope the part is 'Man stricken with debilitating leprosy'."




Typo Lad: "Oh, and it turns out the guy is actually missing bits of his brain."
Dreadstar: "You're being redundant, again. You already said he was married."




Dreadstar: "Renee Montoya is The Question..."
Slam_Bradley: "That doesn't seem to be the appropriate answer."




howyadoin: "Those wacky teenagers! Is there no end to their teenage tomfoolery?"
Paradox: "**shakes fist** They're ruining our country with their rumble seats, raccoon coats and Rudy Vallee records!!!!"




Indy24LA: "Three of my friends (2 guys and 1 girl) are going through break-ups of fairly long relationships right now and I've been there for them, listening and consoling."
StoneGold: "Those kind of relationships always have trouble. I couldn't do it. Besides, I'd always have an irrational fear of accidentally touching the other guy's elbow while we were tag teaming her or something."




Typo Lad: "I wonder... what if someone made a camp for curing straight people?"
Michael P: "What, you mean like dancing lessons?"




Dom: "If anyone hates their job more than me, then you sir/madam, are most likely contemplating suicide."
Matt Algren: "You can have the second bullet, but the first one's mine."




Matt Algren: "I'm thinking of a number between one and **** you."
Agent Helix: "Is it twelve?"




"Finding a bad USAgent costume is like finding an opinionated nerd on the internet."
~ coke & comics




BoosterBronze: "Schizophrenia is NOT the same thing as multiple personality disorder. Frankly for that mixup, I blame The Who's "Quadraphenia" album."
Black Atom: "I'm pretty sure I learned it didn't work that way from Batman the Animated Series. Are you telling me you're smarter than Batman?"




"I've had a sore throat since I quit smoking.

I probably shouldn't have taken up cocksucking to get my mind off nicotine."
~ Agent Helix




Paul McEnery: "You need a good editor."
pariah-1972: "Would that be the kind of editor that actually 'edits', or the comic book kind that forces you to kill off characters?"




"Dartmouth sounds like the lamest Dick Tracy villain ever."
~ Pól Rua




Jeff Brady: "What wine goes with Captain Crunch?"
Mac Danny: "For captain Crunch I recommend keeping the Naval theme and have it with Captain Morgan's

Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo is 'breakfast with the captains'."

[Brian Cronin]

12-31-2007

Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Anybody want to smack me in the head with a hammer?"
Jared_Humpherys: "Long have I waited for this day."




"Why bother coming up with a well-reasoned and well thought out argument for your opinions when you can steal someone else's illogical fallacies."
~ Rattlehead




Slam_Bradley: "Not even God looks good in spandex."
Michael P: "Could God create a fabric so ugly, even He wouldn't look good in it?"




"The 21st Century. Where you can be nagged simultaneously in two separate media."
~ Paul McEnery




"I have to say, evoking THE DA VINCI CODE isn't really a very good way to get anyone that has any deep knowledge of or interest in - well, practically anything, really - to take your ideas very seriously"
~ JeffreyWKramer




Tadhg Adams: "What did you have to glue together to get Sea-life telepathy?"
kmeyers: "I just jingled my shiny keys in front of them and said, 'Who's a good fishy!? You're a good fishy! Now go out and do my bidding.'"
FunkyGreenJerusalem: "How did they jingle under-water?"
Tadhg Adams: "The same way Aquaman drinks Gin and Tonics underwater, Super-Science."




"Oh don't worry, I know my Dick.

He's given me many hours of late night pleasure."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem




"I'm going to add a new axiom to use in a guideline of my life. I hope I can exercise it enough for it to become second nature.

'If the person you're talking to doesn't get something that is so glaringly self-evident that you feel stupider at the mere thought of having to explain it, it's best to just drop that part of the conversation and move on. Like to the next room, next person, or next bottle of alcohol.'"
~ Dreadstar




"Do you think it is coincidence that replicant and republican sound so similar. Beings similar in every way to humans except lacking in empathy and emotion."
~ Mac Danny




"Complacency and ineptitude are so rampant, I sometimes feel like it's an accident if water comes out of my faucet."
~ The Mutt




Jeff Brady: "I see we needed a drama fix."
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "I'll say. Here's what I know so far:

Agent Helix and MacDanny are having an affair, right under the nose of MacDanny's lover, Nick Soapdish, who is, of course, the ex-husband of Nikita. Well, one of the four, anyway.

Agent Helix is actually posing as his twin brother, Ben Morgan, because he's running from thespianphryne, the corrupt police detective who is being blackmailed by morna, the crime boss who is also pregnant with Spike-X's lovechild, or so she thinks, because the father is actually Tadhg Adams, who slept with morna while posing as Spike-X because they both wore the same Martian Manhunter costume on Halloween.

Meanwhile, Jared Humpherys, the illegitimate son of Typo Lad and Puma, is back in town, under the name "Matt Algren," and has recently been hired as an "escort" by Ed Cunard, operator of the local brothel. Cunard knows Humpherys is Typo and Puma's son and is using him in an attempt to gain revenge on Typo, after Typo, Ray R. and Dom killed Cunard's father so that they could take over his invention, the fruit roll-up, for themselves.

And, the dark and mysterious Slam_Bradley and the town rich kid, Guapo Mendez, are still fighting over Gladiaria_Alata, whose true love, Chris Nowlin, remains in prison, after being wrongfully convicted of murder by the prosecutor, Winslow, after Gladiaria_Alata lied on the stand to point the finger at Nowlin so as to protect her brother, howyadoin, the real killer. No one knows that howyadoin is the mysterious man wrapped in bandages being cared for by Gilda Dent at the creepy old Rallura mansion who is claiming to have amnesia.

Also, Justin Davis is still threatening to divorce Athena Bast, after finding out that she's sleeping with SUPERECWFAN1 (and Michael P and Josh S and gary bolt and StoneGold, but Davis doesn't know that). Davis' stepbrother, Dreadstar, revealed the truth to him in a drunken rage after Dreadstar found out that their stepfather, Lone Ranger, left Davis millions in Safeway Fun Bucks. Little does either of them know that the family attorney, HomerJay, stole millions more while acting as the personal representative of the estate. Kid Omega knows, however, and as the long lost step-cousin in-law and rightful inheritor of the Ranger's estate, he is determined to make HomerJay pay.

Bast, on the other hand, has just found out that she has 6 months to live because she contracted Malingingingi Fever on her last trip to Burundi to try to find jessecuster3, the one who stole her family fortune. Jessecuster3, you'll remember, was formerly i_mmmchocolate, until the operation by Dr. Hfuhruhurr, who isn't really a doctor, but he did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

There. I think that explains everything."




"Any boy that has a half naked poster of Rob Lowe and/or Burt Reynolds is straight as an arrow I tell you what. It's not like it was a poster of a half naked Judd Nelson for God's sake."
~ The Zapper




"I adopted a cat with a defective butt hole.

The upshot was that she required surgery to repair her butt hole. After said surgery, ointment had to be applied.

Daily.

Guess who got that job?

No wonder the cat follows me wherever I go."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr




"When my childhood was raped, it took years to talk about it. Finally, it was able to express itself by showing the 'uh oh' marks on a Superman mego doll and it pointed out the retcon marks, the continuity scars and finally, it wept when it pointed to the rear end and said, 'This where the Didio goes'..."
~ Spackling Compund




"Baltimore is like an old hooker, worn out, ugly, broken down, and full of crabs."
~ Mac Danny




"Chili Dogs are great. I know they suck some but I really enjoy the occasional 7-11 big bite with that 'chili' that looks like baby poop.

Fill up the other side of the paper container and you have a hot dog and bowl of chili for 1.99!

Then you have the next 6 hours of it dribbling out of your ass."
~ Mac Danny




HomerJay: "Dread, you are the Bob Guccione of food porn."
Dreadstar: "Never.


The Vaseline ruins the taste."




"Are you calling Americans easily offended? HOW DARE YOU!"
~ Demon wizard




"To hell with your figures! Drinking is not science; drinking is art.

Ray, check the box office figures and back me up."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr




"Marginally better is never synonymous with good."
~ Ray R.




Chris Nowlin: "I'm more fun than the Twilight Zone"
Paul McEnery: "I would rather hang out with you than have my head cut off by a helicopter blade, yes."




Michael P: "Wow. Jeph Loeb's favorite comic of 2007 was a Jeph Loeb comic."
Snowspinner: "Well it's not like anybody else was going to pick one."

[Brian Cronin]

2-15-2008

Nitmo: "I'm throwing my vote in for Kid Omega he has really come a long way since I first met him."
Doug Strange: "I also cast my vote for Kid Omega for much the same reason. He used to be AWFUL, HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, UNREADABLE, but now I find he has risen to the level of 'merely tolerable.'"
Awesome Rita: "I agree. I used to want to MURDER Kid Omega's FAMILY, but now I just think he sucks. So for that he gets my vote! Way to go, K.O.!"




"For most of my life, I have been searching.

Searching for an answer to one of life's most difficult questions.

Recently, I found that I was not the only one.

Yes, there were others who wanted to know what was the gayest looking Mecha in fiction."
~ Brian Cronin





Chris Nowlin: "He's about as successful with women as I am."
gary bolt: "Oh, the poor bastard."




"I couldn't help thinking that, if I'd been shot, I'd be phoning a doctor, not a wrestler."
~ Rik Levins




"Jesus, how many "i"s are in "****?" Have I been spelling it wrong all these years?"
~ Jack Zodiac




Joe Rice: "Except calculus never makes for good conversation."
Ray R.: "How derivative."




Pól Rua: "I think something just broke inside my head."
Paul McEnery: "Let's hope it's not the spring."




"I want to commit a series of brutal, unforgivable crimes against both Man and God. Then after I'm dead, I want someone to direct a sobering biopic about my life that reminds everyone I was still a human being.

Here's hoping no one uses the title Nun-Fucker until then."
~ Sean Whitmore




"I like my wine like I like my women. Sweet, and in an airtight bag that's then stuffed in a box."
~ Agent Helix




Kid Omega: "Lord Edward, you shall oversee those threads that speak of the wrestling sports."
Ed Cunard: "I shall 'lay the smackdown' under the honor and banner of your name, my liege."




Paul McEnery: "Can't get your broomstick up in the air? Or just not fast enough to lay hands on the Golden Snitch?"
Sean Whitmore: "The main problem is probably that he gets your references."




"I like to call oral sex 'makin' throat babies.'"
~ StoneGold




Matt Algren: "What kind of berries are we talking about?"
Jared Humpherys: "Not dingle, I hope."




Winslow: "Now all you need to do is rope the moon and sing Buffalo Bill won't You Come out Tonight."
Paradox: "Unless he REALLY wants to put the lotion in the basket, he'd better sing Buffalo GAL Won't You Come Out Tonight?"




"Does Todd McFarlane still have his balls? I heard he'd got rid of them a while ago."
~ Spike-X




K'Nort: "Where fierce passion and cool objectivity coincide—like a ride through the New Mexico landscape.

Not quite sure how that's supposed to taste."
Squirrel: "Like boiled semen over ice."




Ray R.: "If I had to deal with the general public's problems, I'd kill myself."
Paul McEnery: "Only, I hope, with your last bullet."




"Yorrick's penis falls off and you find out he's been a woman all along.

spoilers:

'But how did Beth #2 get pregnant?'

end of spoilers

One word: Mephisto."
~ Ronald Bryan, predicting the final issue of Y: The Last Man




"TEACH ME OBI WAN! YOU ARE MY LIVER'S ONLY HOPE"
~ Typo Lad




"I've been having married sex for 17 years and I still don't understand 90% of the conversations about sex."
~ Winslow




"Nanu Nanu, Mr. Cruise."
~ Khan Zor-El



Chris Nowlin: "In other news, I'm in love with everything morna touches."
Athena Bast: "Run, gary. RUN!"




"all the hotties know that their LCS is the place to hook up with earth's sexiest guys!!! what woman can resist the charms of a grown man dressed as harry potter, frodo, or darth vader???"
~ aut0matic




Ed Cunard: "Well, cranberry would help your urinary tract..."
Agent Helix: "What is it, your period?"
thespianphryne: "Strawberry is good for that."
Ed Cunard: "I don't think I've ever had strawberry juice."
Agent Helix: "No wonder you're always menstruating."




"Why, I'm old enough to be your.....slightly older friend."
~ Ray R.




"Spielberg could turn MacBeth into a paean to entrepreneurial individualism."
~ Paul McEnery




howyadoin: "Powerpoint is the tool of the devil."
jessecuster3: "What does he do? Show you a presentation of your punishment?

Beezlebub: 'This next slide should be Sisyphus.... dammit, it's upside down.'"




"**** Scientology and the Top Gun midget they rode in on."
~ Ray R.




"I really don't see how anyone could **** up flying space ostriches that battle each other over hot lava pits."
~ kmeyers




Karl J Barnes: "I've just assumed, since Roswell, that we've been ruled by alien invaders."
Jared Humpherys: "Put on the goddamn sunglasses, Karl."




"Anything But Xenu - A light-hearted romp where a crazed Scientologist actor falls for a much younger women with a brain disability. Hilarity ensues. Pilot: Our hero solidifies his mystical hold with televised couch jumping.

This fall on FOX!"
~ Paradox




Ray R.: "I, for one, welcome our Kool-Aid overlords."
shades of eternity: "Oh Yeah!"




"It's my thetan, and I'll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to.

You'd cry too, if it happened Xenu.
"~ Ray R.




"Why do husbands die before their wives?

Because they can."
"~ zilch




"Justin, I'm glad to see you're finally taking steps to get yourself some Moorcock. Some people balk when I suggest getting Moorcock to them, but you're not afraid to get as much Moorcock as you can possibly take, and I respect that. I hope you enjoy Moorcock."
"~ Michael P




Spike-X: "Welcome to my world! When I was a kid, the only comics we had here in Australia were black and white reprints of (mostly) DC Comics, both current (at the time), and vintage stories."
gary bolt: "I guess they blew the budget on translation costs.

'Gday Lois. Reckon you'll join Jimmy and me over by the Billabong later? Bring a few Sheilas.'"




"I had a customer at work approach, looking for books on other planets. When I showed them the Astronomy section, they told me they had been looking in the Travel section."
"~ Mike Smash!




"In a society that constantly lies to it's citizens, is it really that difficult to believe people don't know fantasy from reality.
I mean, King Arthur an amalgam of real British kings and warriors is thought presented as on of Britain's greatest heroes. But there are so many elements of myth that it drives you crazy. Wizards, Dragons mystical swords, but there was figure named Arthur who fought to unify the Brittons.
We tell kids Columbus discovered America, Santa Claus has elves making them gifts, A giant rabbit hides colorful hardboiled eggs and fairy takes their teeth and exchanges them for quarters. For f**ks sake, we have blue monsters frogs and purple dinosaurs teaching them how to read.
If people can't differentiate reality from fiction these days, who can blame them."
"~ Your Imaginary Pal




HomerJay: "Goddamnit, some days I wish I lived in a world where Frank Castle actually existed."
Mac Danny: "I am just happy I live in a world where White Castle exists."




"Watch out, San Francisco! He might have TWO sips this time!"
"~ Matt Algren




"Really, people, stop turning your anger inwards and put it where it belongs: On people with happy lives."
"~ Michael P




Typo Lad: "**** this, I'm going to bed."
tricksterpup: "2 phrases I love to hear from your mouth."




"I have decided I like 50% cotton 50% polyester blend t-shirts better than 100% cotton T-Shirts.

The blended shirts fit better after repeated washing.

Please update your spreadsheets accordingly."
"~ Mac Danny

[Brian Cronin]

4-9-2008

"My sister's a hermaphrodite.

Well, she's my half-sister, really."
~ Matt Algren




"I don't mind leaving clothes on during sex. It's kinda hot sometimes. Like leavin' on a skirt or boots, or a tank top pulled up just enough to show some nipple. Yeah... my girlfriend loves it when I wear stuff like that."
~ Jack Zodiac




"Speaking of sock puppets, I wonder if JN Weasel is still taking a bath"
~ Ben Morgan




Paul McEnery: "Hey now, I'm trying to scare Charles, not give him a woody!"
thespianphryne: "Why so binary, Paul?"




"No, no, god only hates *men* who masturbate. Because it wastes sperm. It's not like I **** out an egg every time I....

Wait. Why am I having this conversation?"
~ Squirrel




Dreadstar: "What Lies Beneath remains the perfect example to me. I mean, that was supposed to be the huge WTF!?!?! moment, and you gave it in the trailer?"
Dr. Hfuhruhurr: "Like you've never given it away in a trailer."




jessecuster3: "An amateur porn of you and Sarah would be better than Smokin' Aces."
Jared_Humpherys: "And only slightly less violent."




"If The Rock presented me with a stick of gum I would scream like a 10 year old school girl at a Hannah Montana concert."
~ EZMOHR




Jeff Brady: "There is a doggie in the office, and it's pay day.

The only way the day could get better is if I got laid."
Mac Danny: "I am sure if you ask the dog nicely...."




howyadoin: "How do I find Google? That's on the internet, right?"
Matt Algren: "Is the 'internet' the same as email? And what's a web log? Can the pictures on my screen see into my house?"




DoctorDoom: "I never understood what the obsession is with blow-up dolls."
Ben Morgan: "It's StoneGold, you don't have to understand him."




jessecuster3: "Slowpoke."
DoctorDoom: "Sometimes better than a 'fastpoke'."




"Open your dick sucker and learn to talk."
~ Mac Danny




"DDR can't be gay! I've seen several people from the Village--

Oh my god!"
~ DoctorDoom




Jack Zodiac: "This beard has given some fun rides."
PatrickG: "Really? Where did she drive you? The Y?"




Crowforge: "Painfully single, anyone want to help with this problem?"
mattx110: "A/S/L??????"




"I'm part English, and part Irish. Most days I kick my own ass and then go get drunk and then retaliate against myself."
"quote"
~ Abomination




"I think more men should be encouraged to wait for sex.

All the rest of you, now that I think of it."
~ Paul McEnery




"How about you run to the Starbucks and order yourself a nice hot cup of suck my dick fuckface."
~ Squirrel




"I knew a guy back in CA who thought he was quite the pick-up artist. Problem was, he was creepy old (well, about as old as I am now, but this was 10-12 years ago). Anyway, one night we're at a bar and talking with a big group of girls. Chris made a big show of buying a round of drinks. He handed one to one of the girls, who promptly dropped it on the floor.

So, he bought her another one and, as he handed it to her, said (in a loud voice), "OK, put two hands on this one so you don't drop it. C'mon, let's put two hands on our beer." Etc, etc.

Only then did Chris, and everyone else to their horror, realize that her left arm ended at the wrist."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr




mattx110: "Remember the simple rule of a successful interview.

'Start with a handshake, end with a job'."
K'Nort: "That doesn't really work when everyone is female.

It doesn't really occur to us to shake hands."
Spike-X: "What do you do, then? Pillow fight in your underwear?"
K'Nort: "It's the custom in Australia too?"




"You're sad, Captain America. How can you really represent America? Have you ever played Scrabulous on Facebook? Super-poked someone? You're an anachronism."
~ Ray R.




"I feel like cliche boy, the illegitimate son of platitude man."
~ Winslow




Ed Cunard: "You often picture me running. Usually, though, it's me running towards you across a flower-filled field in slow-motion."
Jared_Humpherys: "Your bonnet bobbing merrily in the sunlight."




"I could while away the hours,
taking the girls flowers,
and feeling little shame.
And my nuts I'd be scratchin'
and other thoughts I'd be hatchin'
If I only had a brain."
~ thehod




Slam_Bradley: "Well...first they came for the donut workers."
Agent Helix: "Then they came for the burger flippers, and I did not speak out.

Then they came for the pizza deliverers, and I did not speak out.

By the time they got around to me, it was pretty easy to outrun the tubby bastards."




"Whiskey! Its like a sweater on the inside."
~ jessecuster3




i_mmmchocolate: "Anyone ever had a Pisco sour?"
Paul McEnery: "Mine usually starts sour."




"Do I need to be sad before I can talk about indie music? I thought that was just for emo."
~ ImpulseUCF




"The only women I flirt with here are Lena, morna, Morts, and Ed."
~ Jeff Brady




"I took two years off from posting and when I got back howy and Funky had converted CBR into a giant bong."
~ Wesley Dodds




"I have to read The Joy Luck Club for tomorrow's class. Not only am I growing a vagina, but I'm growing it sideways."
~ Ed Cunard




"I know from a friend's experience, coming out of the closet and not realizing it's April first means you have to do it about 6 more times before your parents believe you."
~ mattx110




Ed Cunard: "I introduced you to two women folk. The other one may be moving to Chicago, in fact."
Agent Helix: "But neither of them were five inches tall or could turn into go-karts."




"I can't really see the appeal in monthlies anymore. They're too expensive, full of ads, too easily damaged, and hard to keep track of. That, and they accumulate faster than crabs on a sorority girl."
~ Agent Helix




"See, the thing is.


The way. The way that Bendis y'know, writes.
It's hard.

To have it on all the book.

All the books. Marvel is producing."
~ mattx110




Justin Davis: "Maybe this comes from watching audience try to hard to be funnier than the people on stage when getting suggestions during improv shows (I'm not afraid in the least to promote myself), but I see that happen a lot here. People are so busy trying to amuse themselves or others, mostly through mocking the other person, that the actual topic of the thread is often disregarded. Too much effort trying to create witty banter and not enough conversations."
Dreadstar: "You seem to have quite an ear for that, in fact."




"Because apparently the new breed of fanboys is corporate suckups who hate Alan Moore for being independent and hate Siegel's estate for reclaiming ownership and hate the Hollywood writers for daring to go on strike for their rights because artists are bitch slave whores who ought to THANK THEM FOR THE PRIVILEGE of licking out the dingleberries from their taint."
~ Paul McEnery

[Brian Cronin]

5-27-2008

superbeast: "The short answer is: if dude puts in work and next dude fucks with that work, dude gets pissed and doesn't want his name on the **** next dude put out because he doesn't want half assed bullshit interpretations credited to him."
Lance: "Yeah, dude."




"I don't want four more years of no Incredibles, I never voted for this!"
~ kmeyers




berk: "water -> wine = ? -> toffee"
jobies201: "I will solve this! SAT's have helped me in real life!

water- -> wine = dog **** -> toffee!"




"Women isn't a language. They've got freaky empathic receptors located in their bosoms that pick up on emotions. But it's not a language. Like you wouldn't count dogs sniffing each other's asses as a language, would you? Same thing."
~ StoneGold




"WE get it, you're young and tender.


Free me from your hypnotic suggestiveness!!!"
~ mattx110




"I usually post while sitting in a sepulchurl dark room with nothing but the sickly yellow glow of the monitor to illuminate the shadows of my life. (usually naked too.)

Now with the new pallette, the room is too bright, throwing the stygian blackness of my attic into a horrific contrast. There's something in the shadows. Oh god. The horror. The horror."
~ BoosterBronze




"When I got my 7,000th post, YouTube was an actual tube you looked down to see a monkey washing a cat."
~ Ray R.




Forefinger: "You suck enough dick and someone is bound to say something nice about you."
tricksterpup: "you know you have the prettiest eyes."




"Isn't it funny that shortly after the shift from newsprint to glossy paper, comic writers started making books more fitting to wipe your ass with than read?"
~ Jack Zodiac




"I remember watching a news report or some kind of item long ago about how men and women process spatial relationships slightly differently, and one of the litmus tests they used was actually 3D racing games. Overall, men fared better on the average with them because of how we cognate distances in real-time based on our own spatial rele...

Oh **** it. This is taking too long to build up to the punchline.

Why didn't they let Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman."
~ Agent Helix




"[Narcissus] is so vain, he probably thinks this psychological disorder is about him."
~ Michael P




Ray R.: "I'd be surprised if Michael Bay could even spell 'subtext'."
Mac Danny: "He spells it K-A-B-O-O-M."




"Bush meets Pope! What a diverse set of leaders. One can barely speak English and thinks he the embodiment of God! And the other is the leader of the Catholic Church."
~ Abomination




"I also use Johnny Mnemonic to remember that Keanu can't act."
~ Paradox




Jack Zodiac: "Damn, they're old now? That makes me feel old! Quick, where're Bret and Rick? I need to feel young again."
morna: "There's always me Jack. I can make you feel young again.

hand me those pliers"




"Making a mix is like making love. You have to be smooth, explore the sounds, but make it all come together. Not throw a bunch of random stuff together and hope for the best."
~ Jack Zodiac




"Mark Millar said a bad thing! Make him go to bed with no supper!"
~ Paul McEnery




howyadoin: "Women don't sweat, so Doc should be okay."
DrewTheXenocide: "Oh, I forgot, potpourri comes out of their pores."
Jack Zodiac: "And they crap flowers and vomit rainbows and - wait... were we talking about women or Care Bears?"




"Whenever there is a low cut sweater in need of gawking.. He'll be there
Whenever a child first learns to use the F-word.. He'll be there.
Whenever a man gets hit in the groin with a football.. He'll be there.

Whenever a monkey drinks his own pee.. He'll be there!"
~ Mac Danny




"Can we get to the ribbing? And trust me, it won't be for your pleasure."
~ mattx110




"Just because I banned someone doesn't mean I don't want to hear the gossip about why I banned someone!"
~ Brian Cronin




"I do have to say though that those boobs Howy posted are too...big...even...for...me.

*WHEW* That was difficult to type."
~ HomerJay




"If a small niche channel is going to be a kidney stone with you, you're going to have a hell of a time taking a piss for the rest of your life."
~ Royal




"All hail the good ship, CBR.
May the various gods, demigods, spirits, heroes and made-up bollockery revered amongst its assembled and eclectic passengers bless it and all who sail in it."
~ Pól Rua




Agent Helix: "My stimulus package is in my pants, ladies."
Gilda Dent: "So I take it you're one of those who prefers Direct Deposit, then."




"Mrvael Boy only Jim Starlin Captaoin Marvl in bike pants.

Only good thin gwas evilguy in Iron Man armer was complteely rippt off from Iron Man movie.

Plus gay."
~ Pól Rua




Paul McEnery: "I can't see how you could properly do the show photos without at least one photo saying 'lame star wars guy'."
Charles RB: "But what if Lucas isn't there?"




"I was watching Dateline or one of those shows with my wife not long ago and they were interviewing these high school girls who had, shall we say, morally casual attitudes when it came to sex.

Both of us were seething by the end of the show. She, because of the degredation of morals in our society. And me, for being born too early."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr




"I remember back in high school, the Playboy channel mistakenly came in clear for about 20 minutes.
That was the day YOUNG GUNS got recorded over, I'm afraid."
~ HomerJay




"FINALLY! Somewhere on the internet to complain about comics! I thought this day would never come!!!"
~ BoosterBronze




"Speaking of curses, I have a funny story to tell...

one of my friends took in a roommate out of pity for a time. The roommate was a rather sad excuse for a person, and ended up getting kicked out for not paying rent. In any case, he claimed to be a warlock, and left behind his 'spellbook' by accident after leaving.

I kid you not, one of his spells contained the phrase 'Magic-magic in the air, magic-magic everywhere'."
~ Jared_Humpherys




Typo Lad: "Women confuse me."
Michael P: "They don't actually pee out of the vagina, Morts. There's a third hole."




Justin Davis: "Damn, woman, get off my back!"
i_mmmchocolate: "Piggy-back ride! Piggy-back ride!"




"Astrology is bullshit.

Of course, I'm a Saggitarius, and we're naturally skeptical."
~ Spike-X

[Brian Cronin]

8-14-2008

"wow. all these bands that consider themselves 'steampunk' when they are really just goth or darkwave. ha!

the groups are becoming so meaningless i am thinking of reclassifying them all as 'music warren ellis would like'"
~ darkhanamaru




"Did they have to pass the conch shell every time a thread was locked?"
~ Kid Omega




"Make sure you start a new thread to tell us what happens on this particular episode of 'Ow, My Balls' won't you?"
~ HomerJay




"Marry me.


I come from a Mormon family. I can have more than one wife."
~ Jared Humpherys




"Porn movies have commentary tracks now?

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Now she's swearing like a sailor. He's spanked her butt. Nice gymnastic move there. In. Out. In. Out.

Oh, someone's come in to fix the photocopier."
~ thehod




Radioactive Zombie: "How much does it cost to attend ComiCon?"
Michael P: "$60 for all-weekend admission, your firstborn child for a hotel room, and your dignity if you wear a Sailor Moon costume on the floor."
jessecuster3: "For everything else there's MasterCard."




"Just because you are planning planetary extinction does not mean you skimp on proper grammar."
~ StoneGold




Puma: "Sad situation at the Internet terminals. Gentleman just came in needing a library card so he could search Caljobs. He'd been working up at the golf course for forty years and was just laid off. How much of a market can there be for elderly golf pros?"
i_mmmchocolate: "About how old was he?"
Michael P: "Ease up, Lena. The guy just got laid off; the last thing he needs now is a long-distance relationship."




"There's a very little man, and he lives in a magical land called The InterNet, and he collects all the naked pictures of all the people with the boobies. If you knock five times on the magic box that lives on daddies desk, maybe the little man will show you some of them!"
~ Paul McEnery




"There's some sort of irony in getting into a pissing contest over Budweiser."
~ Dr. Hfuhruhurr




"I tend to bring so little drama to the table that I'm often mistaken for Keanu Reeves."
~ Lone Ranger




"Thanks for the tip about the heroin, I'll have to remember that for my mom."
~ thespianphryne




"Just because a troll stumbles across a topic that might have some mileage doesn't mean people wanna get in the car with him.

Remember....when you ride with a troll, Satan rides in the backseat."
~ Sean Whitmore




mattx110: "Why do companies make 30 versions of the same product?

I hate buying things, it's so damn difficult."
Michael P: "I just always get the blue one."
thehod: "Yep, that's a great policy, especially with pills.

Didn't cure my headache, but I had a new place to hang my towel for twelve hours."




"I'm not celebrating the death of Mr. Helms. Nope. That would be unseemly.

The jig I shall be dancing is in recognition of the 232 anniversary of our nation's birth. They are unrelated. Unrelated I tell you!"
~ Gilda Dent




Matt Algren: "Johnny's version makes me weep like a little girl."
thespianphryne: "'Like'?"




"Are you defending bad pop culture again?

Don't make me bitch slap you."
~ Winslow




Justin Davis: "You obviously haven't met enough theater students and performers.

'And thank god for that.'

There. I did your snarky reply for you."
Agent Helix: "I've met plenty, but I usually just mentally replace everything they say with cocksucking noises."




Sophisticated Gamer: "I hate the Wii with a passion! All the games out are a complete shitload, with horrible graphics, no storyline, and all the managers of Nintendo are duchebags. Just look at the press conference, they show you a tiny bit of new games that are coming out, for the rest they are gloating at their greatness selling games, and right now they are talking about the games that are already out... I have no idea what america sees in this crappy system, xbox360>any day, even PS3>Wii"
Ray R.: "Shhh, shhhhh.

Here's your drinkbox. Go sit down."




"Poor Hulk, he just wants to be left alone. and you better leave him alone or he'll wreck your city, miraculously not killing anyone in the process because that would kind of ruin the whole persecuted innocence thing."
~ berk




"WOW this is way more than I needed to know about your dick today."
~ Agent Helix




"you're so far out of the closet you couldn't reach the door knob."
~ Puma




"I can't help but think the Schrödinger's Cat theory comes into play somewhere. If you buy a Bendis comic, but you don't open it, has your childhood really been raped?"
~ Sean Whitmore




jessecuster3: "Hey! My toys are for 5 and up."
Gingold: "How fortunate for your girlfriend."




"I dated a Jewish boy while in High School, his Mom really wanted us in a permanent relationship. Even after I broke up with him she kept trying to get us together. I finally told her I couldn't become Jewish because I loved shellfish more than her son."
~ Puma




gary bolt: "I haven't met anyone from the on-line community with whom I intended to have a potentially physical relationship ."
Paul McEnery: "Give it a week.

kisses!"




"You can find someone a well-rounded and fascinating individual AND want to stick your head between 'em and go blubble-blubble-blubble."
~ Pól Rua




"Alcohol makes me fast, like a marsupial."
~ Ronald Bryan




Matt Algren: "I'm pretty sure I'll be remodeling my bathroom later this year, and I'm taking out the old 60s olive green tub and putting in a shower instead. The one I want (and probably can't afford) has several heads at different heights."
jessecuster3: "You do know only girls can get off with those things, right?"




Michael P: "I need to get out and do something tonight. Serious cabin fever going on here."
Typo Lad: "I'd invite you over, but we're going away."
Michael P: "No offense, but I was thinking something a little more exciting than sitting in the dark with Jews."




"Yeah, 'cos the utter ineptitude of FEMA had NOTHING to do with the Federal Government whatsoever...

What does that 'F' stand for again?"
~ Pól Rua




"Couldn't you go read a friend's comics? I'll let you read mine before I throw 'em out. I got almost all the Secret Invasion comics and all 52 and Countdown. We are talking premium comics here. No indy trash."
~ fly on the wall




Gingold: "Liberty Meadows is ****, but boy can Frank Cho draw the ladies well."
Joe Rice: "Let's be honest, he draws a lady well and then gives her wigs."




"I was trying to read that nudity in comics thread just now. I got to page five before my head exploded. And that's a fact."
~ Josh S




"FISTED BY THE LORD!

Now I have proof that Jesus loves me."
~ Ed Cunard




"Life is too short to be poking yourself in the eye with a fork."
~ Pól Rua

[Brian Cronin]

10-11-2008 (PART I)

Chris Nowlin: "Man it's been a long time since I was funny."
FunkyGreenJerusalem: "Longer than you think."




drwho: "Maybe its just me but i have never begged a woman for sex nor have i had a woman beg me to have sex with them. Wanting sex and begging for it are different."
Matt Algren: "Maybe you need to bathe? I dunno what to tell you."




"You HAVE no defensible position. There's nothing in your position to attack. You are literally not even making an argument, you're just screaming at the top of your lungs about how unfair life is because you have a dick. That's wrong. Everything you're saying is wrong. I actually don't think I've ever seen someone be quite as wrong as you are right now. You've somehow managed to redefine wrong, turn being wrong into a new form of self expression. You're the goddamn Picasso of incorrectness, breaking boundaries and expanding the artform of having your head up your ass. So thank you, this is like watching a fucking master at work. The world is your canvas, and your paint is BULLSHIT."
~ Agent Helix




"Brainwashing is the only reason to have children."
~ Gilda Dent




"Two sarongs don't make a right."
~ Slam Bradley




jesse_custer: "I think my master's thesis will theorize that a society's decadence can be measured by how often its fucking citizens use abbreviations, especially acronyms."
Agent Helix: "lol wtf omg"




howyadoin: "I just saw a website called 'Celebrities Bending Over in Tight Clothes'."
jessecuster3: "If it's George Wendt, I am definitely not interested."




mattx110: "Same to women, men without chest hair aren't men."
K'Nort: "Trust me, that's not why they're turning you down."




Michael P: "Sorry, I only read light, stupid, cynical, comedic, and pointless graphic novels."
Joe Rice: "Still on the Peter David kick, I see.


HEYOOOO HIGH FIVE"




"I am rolling Chumps in Facebook poker.

Call me the Hamburgler cause I'm stealing your Lunch!"
~ Mac Danny




"It's proof of what I always say, kids aren't being brought up right these days. Mom and Dad are smoking pot and letting the kids run wild. Then they trash Chaykin.

This is a huge warning sign. Hooliganism ahead!"
~ fly on the wall




Kid Omega: "I now suspect that if I posted a poll asking 'in general, at a glance, would you say the sky is blue?', there would be several posts explaining why that is not a clear enough statement."
Agent Helix: "I don't understand you. Please clarify your position, and do so in a way that makes me feel pleasant and secure in my own beliefs."




Dom: "Anyone want to hire a 26 old, Italian, chartered account and soon to be MBA?

I work cheap and wear tight pants and low cut tops on demand."
Tadhg Adams: "Can you make monkey sounds and hold a screwdriver? If so, I have a job for you in IT."




"It's a long road from winsome to awesome, honey."
~ Paul McEnery




"I saw an ad for the 'Kim Kardashian Diet.'

I'd do it, but I don't know if I could eat that much cock."
~ Mac Danny




"If you're not curled up in the fetal position crying your guts out, it's not a crisis. (This is also Dan Didio's approach to comics editing!)"
~ Michael P




i_mmmchocolate: "I'm all kinds of frustrated right now."
jessecuster3: "Fine, I'll go out with you, but you better put out."
HomerJay: "At least tell her she doesn't have to wear the Optimus Prime mask."




"mattx is our Citizen of the Month?

You got to be kidding. We might as well make some syphlitic hobo citizen of the month."
~ fly on the wall




"And it's not that I'm some kind of fruity, anti-materialistic pinko hippie flower child here. I love my stuff, and I enjoy accumulating more stuff. But there's a level of conspicous consumption that I just can't understand, and that's the level of buying something like a $75,000 watch. I'm sure if I was extraordinarily wealthy, I wouldn't really give a ****, and would probably buy a tiny diamond encrusted unicorn leather top-hat for my dick and name him Sir Reginald Thrustbottom. So there you go."
~ Agent Helix




"i_mmmchocolate: "Ugh, I can't sleep."
Michael P: "Post some more about how much in looooooooove you are.

No, wait, that'll just put me to sleep."




"I can't believe I used a derivative of subtle in a conversation about AC/DC."
~ jesse_custer




DonC: "The president of MTV should be fired."
kmeyers: "out of a cannon, into the sun."




"I get the runs pretty easily, so I feel I'm a bit of an authority on the matter. "
~ Joe Rice




Tadhg Adams: "You're a teacher; you're the antithesis of style."
Gingold: "I have discovered the anti-style equation."




"Geez. DC is like the boy who Crisised wolf."
~ The Xenos




Paul McEnery: "Ping her mercilessly."
Pól Rua: "If that fails, you should flash your gordon."




Doctor Doom: "I want some peanut butter."
Royal: "Creamy or chunky?"
Michael P: "That's what she said.

Wait, that makes no sense."




"Co-eds + hotpants + lots of jumping = good TV"
~ HomerJay




"Some of us, however, don't seem to be able to ride the ethics bike without benefit of the stablizer wheels of a strict moral code."
~ Paul McEnery




MacQuarrie: "There will be clowns at my funeral."
Gilda Dent: "Not at mine. I've made it clear that my stepfathers aren't invited."




"Apparently asking 'I'd like to take you out to dinner sometime' is much harder than creating a thread on a comic book board that becomes a subject of mockery."
~ Corrina




"It's kind of like Citizen Kane, if you replace Rosebud with a chimpanzee who throws its feces at people, change the lighting to strobe, and change most of the dialogue to reaction shots and people shouting 'Go, Speed Racer.'

For a full-length movie derived from a crappily animated piece of badly dubbed Japanese nostalgia, it's remarkably true to the source."
~ Ray R.




"You talk about size all the time. It's no wonder that you're single.

I do believe I never would have predicted that someone could make a value judgment on someone else's lifestyle based on Spiderman's love life from the eighties.

But what do I know. I need my plot-twists spoonfed to me."
~ Ray R.




Paradox: "Keep in mind the Old Testament 'God' and the New Testament 'God' have different personalities for the obvious reasons. OT God's kind of a prick some times."
thehod: "A bit like Silver Age Superman who was a total dick, and Modern Age Superman who starts blubbing at the drop of a hat.

The layers just go really deep with that character don't they."




Ronald Bryan: "I want the guy who does the narration on Pushing Dasies to follow me around and narrate my life."
Chris Nowlin: "Nothing's happening, nothing's happening..."




"When we saw Batman, we drove 45 minutes to a small town theatre in Parry Sound (home of Bobby Orr, btw) and sat in an old single screen theatre that had been chopped in two with such bad acoustics that we could hear most of "Mama Mia" through the wall.

You've never really seen Dark Knight until you've seen the car chase accompanied by 'S.O.S'"
~ Lone Ranger




"You're the one talking to the imaginary people who live in the magic thinky box."
~ Pól Rua




"I can't believe it's not anarchy."
~ twilight, on Johnny Rotten's butter endorsement




"Note to self - Never ask a dyslexic for his password."
~ Athena Bast




"Wall-E inspired me to meet more fat people."
~ Cayman




Fabian: "I'm just a man. Men love ****. Therefore I love ****. It's such a great philosophical equation that it's almost Platonic."
Spike-X: "There's nothing platonic about my love for ****.

BELIEVE ME."

[Brian Cronin]

10-11-2008 (PART II)

Part Deux:

jessecuster3: "Dammit, I have too many Transformers."
Agent Helix: "The entire universe just made that record scratch stop noise."




"Teen Titans is routinely bad, and in very predictable ways. You can guarantee it'll be annoyingly dour, contain at least one scene or panel that has no place in a general readers book whatsoever, and be utterly bereft of a reason for why any of these characters are associating with one another, let alone what they stand for as superheroes. And all in the guise of recapturing the feel of 25-year-old comics that it couldn't be more unlike. It's like a love letter to a person you've never met, praising them for personality traits that they don't have, and which are actually common symptoms of deep-seated mental illness."
~ Michael P



gary bolt: "I thought Britney Spears/Ginger Spice dude was a harmless entertaining whack-job until I read his latest thread as the third incarnation that we know of. Not so much, it turns out. How is it that he can keep changing his name and continue posting here?"
mattx110: "New IP, new login info.

Can't really stop them from coming back if they want to."
gary bolt: "So that's your secret."

[Brian Cronin]

12-15-2008

"Sweeping generalisations are always wrong."
~ dingo




"On Friday we were having breakfast at the hotel while we watched the news: the Dow Jones lost 600 points in the time it took me to eat a belgian waffle. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had been eating a Rooty-Tootie Fresh and Fruity breakfast."
~ Guapo Méndez




"Had another date last night. Woo hoo! This girl was Hungarian, so at least I'm moving West. I'll be invading the Low Countries and France before too long."
~ Ray R.




"Scorpio: Origins
A One Act Play

'How about giving me one tonight?'
'I'm out of johnnies! I've got to run down the shops!'
'You'll catch your death in that cold'
'I'll catch blue balls if I don't'
'Bugger it, we'll do it standing up... that used to work in our parents day'
'Whatever makes you feel better honey, I'll go assemble the ****-swing'

Close Curtains."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem




"Enjoy your vintage sweaty man-on-an action!"
~ Doctor Doom




Doctor Doom: "**** monkeys."
DWEarhart: "I'm not in Greenpeace, damnit!"




Joe Rice: "Why would manga not count? It's comics."
dupont2005: "because you read it backwards. its the opposite of comics"




"When you make Sam Peckinpah and John Woo look like directors who don't use slow motion that much, you might have a personal problem."
~ jesse_custer




"In a few short weeks the US will become an Obama Nation. Does that mean you'll have to change your user name?"
~ gary bolt to Abomination




"Horror films should serve as a public service announcement to all the ladies in the house.

When your boyfriend, Husband, or 'Ducky' style friend comes into the room covered in blood and says 'we have to go right now!'

YOU GO RIGHT NOW!

Every minute you don't move and ask what is going on it a minute that you tell me you want to die.

I will tell you what's happening in the car.

I told my wife that I would say something like that once and then I was out the door, if she questions or doesn't follow then that is evolution and it's not my problem. Enjoy being a zombie, I'll be in the Wal-Mart boarding up the exits."
~ Mac Danny




"There are plenty of fish in the quarter bin."
~ Ray R.




"Scott Bakula is the Cobra Commander of my discontent."
~ Pól Rua




"Man, I liked you so much better when you weren't here."
~ Agent Helix




"I miss living vicariously through him.

Now I have to live vicariously through Paradox, which is much less fun."
~ Sean Whitmore




Pól Rua: "I could cheerfully take a belt sander to my genitalia so I wouldn't have to deal with them."
Sean Whitmore: "That really doesn't work as well as you think it will.

I'm still horny, but now my balls vibrate whenever I hear a garbage disposal."
Pól Rua: "Worst. Spider-Sense. Ever."




"I would bet Bone is pretty universally male and female friendly."
~ jessecuster3




thespianphryne: "WTF, you changed your user handle again? do you have a stalker?"
StoneGold: "I prefer the term Obsessive American."




"This reminds me of the joke about when Bob Geldof and Paula Yates were arrested at the airport trying to take Lysergic Acid Diethylamide, Skunk Weed and Crystal Meth through customs.

The other two kids got through fine though."
~ thehod




"Huh. Michael Crichton died.

Maybe we can mix his DNA with a frog, and take DNA from Douglas Adams, Robert Heinlen and Philip K. Dick and set up Author Park."
~ Ed Cunard




StoneGold: "OK, the honeymoon period is over. How come Obama hasn't fixed anything yet, despite not actually being in office for another 2 1/2 months?"
Ray R.: "Socialism wasn't built in a day."




"Lord. I just saw a recent photo of my good friend from high school. It has been nearly a decade since I've seen her. She's been busy, it seems. Eating."
~ i_mmmchocolate




"Yeah, that's kinda like saying you liked Limp Bizkit before they were popular."
~ Jared_Humpherys




darkhanamaru: "I think alcohol was a bad thing."
schwamp: "I'd check for a fever. You're talking nonsense now."




"dude, you're the yoda of misanthropy."
~ morna




"Oh suck it up, whinebaby! Back when I was a lad, we melted Apple IIe's for kicks! And look at me! I turned out just potato ampersand."
~ Agent Helix




"I think the team behind this movie and 'a clue' make a very poor Venn Diagram."
~ Joe Rice




"I wouldn't trust Snyder to deconstruct Lego, let alone a genre."
~ Agent Helix




"Yeah, I had a rough day yesterday though. One of those hangovers that feels totally survivable 'till about 2:30 when the nausea and dizzyness kick in and the headache really gets going. Ugh. I struggled through to 5 when we close and finally succumbed to the queasiness in the middle of cash out - about quarter to six. I went home and right to bed. Gary brought me some pasta and I slept for hours. I'm too fucking old for this ****. Sadly, I seem incapable of assimilating this information, it's like when women give birth, all the pain and agony is forgotten when they behold the angelic face of their progeny. In my case the angelic face is a frosty cold beer. So much for maternal instinct."
~ morna




"Star Trek is about two handed hammer punches, Boning green chicks, Inverting polarities, and go-go boots."
~ Mac Danny




"I just wish I was dumb sometimes so I could watch movies like Transformers over and over again."
~ n2doop5u




"I used to eat nothing but beef jerky, **** lumps of coal, and fight lumberjacks every night.

Now I cry if I do long division and have a remainder left over..."
~ stealthwise




Matt Algren: "Let's talk about our ****! How's yours been?"
schwamp: "It happens."




DoctorDoom: "Masturbation worthy?"
Michael P: "Johnny, tell our lovely contestant what she's just won!"




"I am a sexy shoeless god of posting."
~ GozertheGozarian




gary bolt: "Now, now. What's more important? Taking responsibility for your progeny, or getting a really fucking good deal on a flat-screen TV?"
CyberHubbs: "...Are we talking 1080p?"




Fabian: "$10.50 is fucking ridiculous for a well Manhattan. Am I right or am I cheap?"
Spike-X: "Considering they bought the whole island for $25 back in the day, that does sound a tad steep."




"If only you'd been able to get your enormous penis back in your pants in time to get to the computer.

Heh...that reminds me of a funny story..."
~ Spike-X




jessecuster3: "I had a fraternity friend in college, came out of the closet right after I spent 5 days in a room with him on a cruise....

Just for the record, it wasn't just the two of us, a bunch of us went."
Agent Helix: "You heard it here first, folks.

jessecuster3 involved in sordid orgy on gay pleasure cruise with fraternity boytoys!"




"Good luck trying to figure out that quote button."
~ The Batman




fly on the wall: "'uber' isn't cool to say anymore."
Joe Rice: "Man, this is ube---uh, mega lame."
Phoenix Force: "This thread is hella right."
Pól Rua: "It's MAD fresh!"
MacQuarrie: "It's wicked cool."




Paradox: "Why on Earth would people be fans of teams that suck just because they live by them?"
jessecuster3: "Pride in your home."
morna: "oh is that what all the hot dog wars are about"




"Secret gift person, expect my package."
~ jessecuster3

[Brian Cronin]

2-3-2009

"Have you heard their song about the hot girl in the comic shop?

It's called Hot Girl In The Comic Shop, if that helps."
~ Spike-X




"stand back everyone I've got this one

'clearly, I lack the necessary popular cultural awareness to process this information in the context provided.'"
~ morna




"My phone is a shoe.

Would you believe a sandal?"
~ StoneGold




"I'd ask 'how do you sleep at night?', but I'm worried that you'll respond 'In Hannah Montana sheets.'"
~ Typo Lad




"Just because a girl smiles at you, doesn't mean she wants to do anything more than make you a quality footlong sandwich at an affordable price."
~ StoneGold




"Wait, it's bigoted to not like bigots now? What is that, bigotism?"
~ Joe Rice




"I never know what anyone's gender is on these boards. So my default mental image is that you're all 42yr old men, faces smeared in lipstick while wearing your mother's best summer frock, typing your posts through a cascade of tears."
~ Asmith




jessecuster3: "Morning. I actually have to do a bit of shopping for myself today.

I need boots, and some fancy gloves."
morna: "like, with sequins?"




Paul McEnery: "Every time you lie, Palin's **** go just a little further south."
mikekerr3: "They must be in Brownsville TX by now."




Spike-X: "You need some of these!"
SUPERECWFAN1: "Boxes with X in them?"




"Nothing says Christmas like a sparkling emo vampire."
~ SUPERECWFAN1




Samurai: "We already have several threads on this silly molehill of a story, including the main Barack Obama thread. We don't need another, and it should be merged."
J. Robb: "I have to agree - if a new thread is started every time a Republican does or says something ignorant, they'll flood the forum."




"Barack the Magic Negro
Lived in DC
And frolicked in the media hype
'Till he faced reality"
~ fly on the wall




"Honesty doesn't make one a bitch."
~ Puma




"You really shouldn't paraphrase a misquote."
~ rick




"But...she has 'emotional intelligence', dammit! That's just like real intelligence, but for girls!"
~ Spike-X




"I tend to keep my serious conversations for serious topics - boobs, fire, drinking and mediaeval siege machinery."
~Pól Rua




"dude, from the looks of things you've got more wrong there than a couple of stuck keys"
~ morna




"I could menstruate a better comic."
~ Doctor Doom




"while you laugh and judge me and post another 9,000 here,,i'll be on my triumph with my bada$$ chic wrapped around the back of it,to bad theres no room for her girlfriend back there,,i think i heard your mom say the spaghetti is done"
~ redninja




Justin D: "See Let the Right One In as soon as you can. It's an amazingly good movie."
morna: "I will! Probably tomorrow. I've heard so many good things about it I hope I haven't over hyped myself. I'd rather see it on a big screen but we'll see... if it comes here I might go see it again."
gary bolt: "i think i heard your mom say the spaghetti is done"




"When are they going to change the name of the state to 'Phillip Morris presents South Carolina'?"
~ Mac Danny




Mac Danny: "In Virginia it is Illegal to watch porn on your car DVD player while driving."
Ray R.: "It's called 'Ray's Law' for embarrassing reasons I won't go into."




"I am the Vulcan Pinata of your discontent."
~ Pól Rua




"I came to the internet because I had too much time on my hands. But I stayed because of the Noel Coward-esque wit and word play!"
~ Asmith




Mermaid: "I love you Paradox!"
o1pickleboy: "I never thought I would read that. When is the wedding?"




Athena Bast: "Going waaaay back to the first season the whole plan with Sharon and Helo was to get him to fall in love with her because to the Cylons offspring can only be created through love.

See also all the times Caprica Six before the nukes went off asked Baltar if he loved her every time they where going have sex."
Spike-X: "I figured that was because she was a woman, not because she was a Cylon."




"What level of porn hell have you stumbled into?"
~ Mangaman




"Goatees are the perfect middleground between the big 'I live in the woods' bushy beard and the understated 'I'm going to rape you' mustache."
~ Sean Whitmore




DoctorDoom: "He said Pauly Shore was a dick."
Pól Rua: "Did he mention that water was wet at any stage?"




"Comments being made on the internet from people who were excluded and unpopular as a child and now somehow translate that to elitism?

Not on MY CBR!!"
~ HomerJay




"It's the gayest thing ever. And I mean that with all due respect to homosexuals. You just simply can't get gayer than Nights. Can't do it. One gay pride parade marching ass first into another gay pride parade would not be as flat-out gay as this character is."
~ Agent Helix




"I should be allowed to Smoke a doobie and marry a dude if that is what I want to do."
~ Mac Danny




"Clearly, you're more upset than you let on. You can't even form a coherent sentence."
~ morna




"Woke up this morning, and my car had about a 1/2 inch of ice covering the entire thing. Looked like a black Creamsicle. I chipped it off the windshield with the DVD box of Pineapple Express. Now I finally get to appreciate that movie."
~ Ray R.




Agent Helix: "I really don't see interactivity as being a good measuring stick for what is or isn't art. I mean, I've never personally fingered the Mona Lisa, but I'm pretty sure that's art."
Ray R.: "Give Nintendo a few more years. The WiiGina could fill a lot of Christmas stockings."
Agent Helix: "Yeah, but stores would be flooded with returns within a week when nobody can find the damn button."




Cayman: "I think Powers still comes out more frequently than Kabuki."
Michael P: "My dick comes out more frequently than Kabuki.

Never receives the same quality reviews, though."




"Hey, I'm in England. It's always 1937 here."
~ thehod




"You're adorable.

Why can't they give you a show? VH1's Everything Less Than 30 Years Old Scares the **** Out Of Me. I'd watch it."
~ Sean Whitmore




Calybos: "Hey, I can name five people taller than Andre the Giant, so I guess Andre was actually short."
Tadhg: "Is one of them Rocky Road?"




"I like to imagine that when DC realises there's a minor continuity point that hasn't been addressed a big siren goes off in the building and Dido and Johns run towards a bookshelf that opens, and slide down a pole to their ideas cave and set about solving it.

When it happens at marvel they just get drunk, put on blindfolds and throw darts at a board to see who fixes it, what format it's in, and if any other book will acknowledge it."
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem




DWEarhart: "Does Star Trek have a black-ops unit?"
StoneGold: "That's the code name for Shatner's wang."




"Most children aren't even a meter tall! If we used the metric system, our children would be midgets! Midgets on drugs!

Won't anybody think of the children?"
~ Chris Nowlin




Cayman: "Christian Bale threads everywhere!"
thespianphryne: "Massengill should have him be their spokesman!"




"Would you like me to sew you a doily to go with your opinion?"
~ StoneGold

[Brian Cronin]

4-3-2009

"This isn't enough. We need to start policing and then boycotting work-sites from coast to coast.

Wherever a delivery man is reamed out for being late...I'll be there.

Wherever a drywaller is reamed out for not countersinking the nail...I'll be there.

Wherever an advertising artist is reamed for using the wrong shade of blue...I'll be there."
~ Slam_Bradley




"Only on CBR does a thread about about superhero decadence somehow morph into a discussion about nazis, slavery, and training horses."
~ i_mmmchocolate




Shellhead: "I wish this site automatically closed threads at the first mention of either Nazis or Hitler, as an auto-Godwin feature."
J. Robb: "Seems like something Stalin would do..."




"I was employee of the month at McDonald's. Three times. Laugh if you want, but there was a pay raise every time, which made it more valuable than a discussion about Christian Bale's harsh language."
~ Shellhead




"It's not your ovaries that are holding you back."
~ Athena Bast




"I think it was funny when Liefeld did the action figure based on the character, so Previews had a solicitation for 'Rob Liefeld's 12" Plastic Shaft'.
Presumably as a companion piece to Todd McFarlane's balls."
~ Pól Rua




"Is 'buck naked' an ethnic slur?


What about 'slippery slope'?"
~ StoneGold




"I pretty much stopped doing my auto-bio strips.

Now I just draw people complaining about comics all day. It's kind of like CBR if it was a comic."
~ Brandon Hanvey




"The Mayan calendar says that when a civilization introduces pizza to the system, it is doomed to disappear within 3 generations.

The Mayans realized that after discovering the pizza stone."
~ Guapo Méndez




Deathstroke: "There's something wrong with the fax machine and I have no idea what it is"
Spike-X: "It's like a photocopier, except it sends the copies to somebody else's machine. But that's not important right now!"




"Rob Liefeld himself (or at least someone posting under that name) has confirmed (or at least said) that Smash is meant to be a parody of a Hulk-type character.

Mind you, in Liefeld's dictionary the definition of parody seems to be 'Taking someone else's creation and making it a different color.'"
~ Donald M.




"If Liefeld's career wasn't enough to end Liefeld's career, then nothing is."
~ meethraa




Matt Algren: "Wait, which one's Africa? Is that the one where everybody's upside down all the time? I don't think I'd like that."
OverMaster: "It's where lions and zebras dance to 'You got to move it, move it' together."




"In indigo glow
Of head shop lights
No spliff shall escape my sights
Let those who feel sober plight
Beware my bong
Indigo Lanterns ummm wait.. what was I saying? Let me start over."
~ Mac Danny




"In blackest night, in darkest times
No good guy shall escape my rhymes
Let those who worship anything
Beware my power, Black Lantern's ring."
~ Paul McEnery




"Infinite Crisis is like a pile of dogshit covered in your dead mom's menstrual fluid and baked in an oven designed to kill minorities."
~ Joe Rice




Dreadstar: "How's the wife?"
Doug Strange: "Still pregnant! And getting pregnanter! It's kind of embarrassing! I'm all honey, can you please not show off like that and she's like dude take out the recycling."




"Four words: 'Bitch, get my dinner.'

If she don't hop to, move on to the next one."
~ Matt Algren




"Hey my older brother knows hot retarded 19yr old chicks who say hi to me as they pass me on the stairs going up to his room. How best can I be friends with them so later they lower their gaurd and accidentally show me their underwear?"
~ Asmith




Cayman: "There's too much crying in DC Comics."
Michael P: "This summer, Tom Hanks stars in 'A Justice League of Their Own.'"




"Two things you need

To be Greg Land,

A lightbox and

A steady hand.

Burma Shave."
~ Pól Rua




"Bob, nothing personal, but your opinion seems to be pretty unhindered by actual facts."
~ rick




"Is there anything worse than an awkward moment made more awkward by an awkwarder performer?

Well, yes, there are lots of things, but let's ignore those things."
~ Joe Rice




Mermaid: "I think that's possible....people don't normally try and do it on a bike."
Asmith: "Yeah, there's a nightmare of logistical problems with that one... just to begin with, who's peddling, who's steering and who gets to ring the little bell?"




jessecuster3: "Yay! Time for beers!"
DrewTheXenocide: "Woo! I'm ahead of you by about three hours. Let's hope I get to have sex because of it."
Paul McEnery: "Just yell 'come and get me, boys' at the top of your lungs."




"Every board mod should post a list of which creators' work they will allow you to criticize."
~ Cayman




Cosmored: "I have three years of university but I didn't finish. "
Charles RB: "Unsurprising."




"Just because you understand it, doesn't mean it makes sense!"
~ FunkyGreenJerusalem




"Personally I can't wait for Watchmen 2: The Rise of Mr. Blobby-Face."
~ Asmith




"Pennys are copper, not iron. What are you, Vulcan?"
~ Typo Lad




"Yep, that Avengers issue makes me go mmmm, too, morna!

And it WAS like a french dip (if "french dip" is slang for time-traveling pseudo-incest, which if it is not, it really ought to be)"
~ Brian Cronin




"Somewhere a village is pining for its idiot."
~ Naldo




"I usually only read books with pictures in them too, but I make an exception for Dan Brown."
~ Chris Nowlin




fin5: "delete this thread please"
Michael P: "Oh, you're not getting out that easy."




"Context is important. Jackie Mason isn't, however."
~ Paradox




"I completely disagree with him on Dollhouse. That show is **** covered in **** deep fried in a vat of **** and then that **** covered deep fryer is coated in a sugary **** shell.

It's not very good, you see."
~ Agent Helix




Crowforge: "I hear this 'joke' way more often than I should and it wasn't very clever the first time."
Asmith: "Well if you were looking for clever, your first mistake was coming to the internet..."




Squirrel: "Is the forum being ridiculously slow for anyone else?"
Paul McEnery: "The board, or the people on it?"




howyadoin: "Suck My Dick, **** Face."
Riker Omega Three: "Wow. The Sci-Fi Channel should change its name to that."




Agent Helix: "No no, I mean, like what if you blow up a Limp Bizkit concert. That'd be a good thing, right?"
Joe Rice: "You've given me a lot to think about."




DeathXIII: "I keep my dignity by not insulting others and by not pressing the capslock key."
Paul McEnery: "In this, you are mistaken."




"That's what Clark Kent should have done: had a woman follow him around and take off her top any time he had to change to Superman."
~ Michael P




"Reese Witherspoon stars in Slinky: The Motion Picture. She lost the man of her life, till something new slunk down the stairs."
~ StoneGold




"That reminds me of a joke:
Guy one: Hey do you know the difference between a hamburger and getting pushed over a lawn chair and anally raped?

Guy two: um... no.

Guy one: Swell. Want to come over to my place on the weekend for a BBQ?"
~ Asmith




Paul McEnery: "Now I'm thinking of a new cop show: Rosemary and Time. She's the altar girl, he's the priest. When they can find the time between inappropriate acts, they solve crimes with a Catholic theme."
Ray R.: "'The real mystery is how the semen got all the way over to the confessional.....'

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK"




"I don't read Star Wars tie-ins because they violate the continuity I created with my Star Wars figures as a kid."
~ Cayman




"Adolescence: The point at which your no-no places become your yes-yes places."
~ Donald M.




Ray R.: "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Ed Cunard: "Man. I wish I was in love with a deaf-mute."




"One middle school doesn't equal the school/state. Unless you're paranoid and get all your things to be pissed about from talk radio."
~ Ray R.