I just dug this up in a forgotten folder on my old laptop, and I have no idea where it came from. I want to say it was posted in Rumbles back in the old days, but I'm really not sure. A friend of mine may have written it. Hell, for all I know, I may have written it. But regardless of its origins, I just wanted to share it with you guys. Without further ado, here it is:


In the charred remains of a Doombot, the remnants of an odd sheaf of paper were discovered. Upon further inspection, they appeared to be a script - a script, we have now determined, to be for a TV show pitch to PBS. A show entitled...

DOOM'S DORMITORY

THEME:

Doctor Doom, Doctor Doom,

Tremble at the name of Doctor Doom.

He’s hidden a robot in your room,

That wacky, no good, Doctor Dooooom!

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Doom: [to camera] Good! Good! You are all here in my mighty stronghold. Do not attempt to change the channel, or I shall push this button, unleashing Cuddles, my pet tiger!

Cuddles: Meow meow meow meow, Doctor Doom!

Reed Richards: Who drank all the milk?

Doom: It was I, Richards! Without milk you will be unable to defeat even the weakest of heroes, Captain Crunch!

Richards: And who filled up the TiVo with baseball games?

Doom: You know what a fan I am of the Seattle Sub-Mariners! And I hypnotized the entire girl’s dorm to make them think you are gay!

Richards: [shaking his fist] Dooooooom!

Doom: Indeed! [to camera again] Now, my robot servant at your local PBS affiliate will read you a list of items up for charitable auction! I command you to bring your parents into the room because even now I am sucking the oxygen out of the rest of the house!

Cuddles: Meow meow meow meow, Reading Rainbow, meow.

Doom: AS WAS FORETOLD BY THE PROPHECY!

[Doom departs in a helicopter shaped like a shark]