pretty much agree with everything you've written here, BUT vworp vworp does have a point too. ben was positioned as the spider-man with a clean slate. i feel like he was meant to have had his own baggage, but he would deal with it and move on from it in a more decisive way than peter could with his own.
with that and all the varied writers (and changes in direction) of the 90s saga, there were a couple different bens that were depicted. so i think both takes are valid.
i'd reconcile it all by saying that both peter and ben had baggage, just that ben had less and the absolute joy of becoming spider-man again and "coming home" helped him heal much faster than peter who had more or less been "holding down the fort".
i feel like that the ben we saw in spider-verse was a fully healed spider-man (who is really also an example of who peter can become).