On this date in 2015, 2016, 2017, as well as 2018, “Crazy/Stupid Republican of the Day posted profiles of Washington State Senator Michael Baumgartner, who has policy stances like putting an end to no-fault divorce, a return to the gold standard (which economists say would tank not just the American economy, but the global economy), U.S. withdrawal from the United Nations and the World Trade Organization (based off of Agenda 21 conspiracy theory fervor), and privatizing Social Security. He has not only voted against the legalization of gay marriage, but also would like gay couples to be prevented from adopting children. He also showed himself to be bizarre on the campaign trail in 2012, running attack ads against Maria Cantwell for being “unmarried” and undermining the role of the mother in child rearing, as well as responding to a reporter’s question about his thoughts on Todd Akin’s “legitimate rape” comments by later e-mailing that reporter a picture of a Navy SEAL who died in Afghanistan and a note telling him to “go f*** himself”. He apologized for the latter unprofessional reaction, only to later say his apology was only sent on behalf of his staff, and retract even that apology. The 2018 Blue Wave scared Baumgartner enough that he didn’t run for re-election.
On this date in 2019, “Crazy/Stupid Republican of the Day” profiled Rhode Island State Senator Nicholas Kettle, who first stumbled his way into office to represent District 21 at the age of but twenty in the 2010 Tea Party Wave, after winning the GOP Primary by only 23 votes, and then the general election with only 51% of the vote. He became the youngest person elected to the State Senate at the time. That historic milestone will not, however, be what is remembered about Kettle, who kept narrowly hanging on for four terms in office. In February of 2018, he was arrested after his girlfriend found his iPad lying about, and discovered that on it, Kettle had taken nude photos of her without her consent. What was Kettle’s motive? To trade the nudes for nude photos of a friend’s wife. Kettle’s text message history showed he asked for tips on how to film but be “stealthy”, so he was well aware he was committing a crime. Also, Kettle and his “friend” talked about trying to swap partners, proposing group sex with their girlfriends, and a tendency to share pictures of their own genitalia with each other… While police were investigating that matter, a second complaint got filed by a former page within the Rhode Island State Senate in 2011, who claimed Kettle tried extorting him for sexual favors when he was a teenager, (yes, it’s another Republican caught chasing boys) threatening he would end his own political aspirations if he did not concede. Kettle had even boasted of the sexual encounter with two friends, who came forward to help investigators. Nicholas Kettle’s colleagues were ready to vote on his expulsion when he resigned, and in his resignation letter, he whined about not receiving due process. That due process saw him end up pleading guilty to two counts video voyeurism and getting three years of probation to avoid jail time. He’ll likely be on sex offender lists for the rest of his life, which means we aren’t foreseeing him having a political comeback. As such, we’ll retire his profile at this time and profile a different wacky Republican today instead. (Current crazy/stupid scoreboard, is now 842-40, since this was established in July 2014.)
Rob Brooks
Welcome to what is the 842nd original profile here at “Crazy/Stupid Republican of the Day”, where we’ll be discussing Rob Brooks, who has served as a member of the Wisconsin State Assembly from District 60 since first being elected in the 2014 mid-term elections. However, Brooks’ career nearly came to a screeching halt in late 2018 when he drunkenly wandered into a bar with several female Republican colleagues, and declared he was buying everyone drinks while refusing to do so for fellow Republican Jessie Rodriguez, announcing, “except Jessie because she's Hispanic.” While the other legislators present did confirm that exchange took place, they chose not to speak publicly about the never-ending spray of inappropriate sexual remarks that continued to fall out of Brooks’ cake hole throughout the evening. Yes, THAT Scott Walker.
On the legislative end, Rob Brooks is a Personhood supporter, who voted for legislation to require “potential abortion-reversal drugs be made available” (as if abortion is reversible), as well as sponsoring AB 179, a bill aimed at creating requirements for abortions that “result in premature birth”. Meanwhile, he’s so “pro-life” that he voted for AB 455, to authorize any child of any age to hunt with an adult, so that toddlers can legally carry a handgun if their parents are dumb enough to let them.
He’s also got draconian ideas for welfare recipients, including voting to increase work requirements for them, and supporting the failed conservative policy of drug testing people on welfare, even though the results discover that there’s statistically no drug use by people on assisted benefits because they can’t afford drugs. (Not to mention it’s a violation of their 4th Amendment rights.)
We have a feeling that Rob Brooks hasn’t learned a goddamned thing from his misadventures of putting his foot in his mouth, except not to do it where witnesses are present. And we’re figuring he’s going to try to just keep his mouth shut and stay in office as long as he can still breathe through his mouth, and make Wisconsin as regressive as possible.