Because
1: The X-men for the past decade has been garbage.
2: The Family-interest dynamic was created for, played up, and followed in, BP under Hudlin. Circa their marriage...with very little connectivity with the X-Books at the time (because she wasn't a big player/influence/presence in the X-books)
3: The X-Men and BP under many different writers have had entirely different story/character trajectories.
All that is to say...the character "discrepancies" are understandable. It's only fan-expectation that make them seemingly intolerable.