X-Men Gold #29 Recap/Review, Baby

[Maestroneto]

You may have noticed I didn't do a review thread of #28. Or that nobody else did either. That's because literally nothing happened in that issue aside from moving from point A (the Savage Land) to point B (space). In a way, because nothing offensive happened in it, that also makes it 10/10, best issue yet.

Anyway... first five pages are from the preview.

The X-Men's ship has been broken, but first priority is stopping the nanites heading to Earth. Storm gets to work on that, while Kitty and Rogue move Colossus to safety. Rogue: glorified meathead carrier. Storm destroys most of the nanite bombs but some get past her. On Earth Pyro is surfing on the Blackbird (yes, really). Everyone wonders where the hell Iceman is, but Kitty won't tell them what she's planning with him (why?)

Sasquatch shows up with a ship to save everyone and this is where we head into the most bizarre action sequence of this issue. The roof starts to fall in, but before we that happens we see Colossus still being carried by Kitty and Rogue, while Sasquatch, Nightcrawler, Gambit and Rachel are standing in a group next to them. After the cave-in, Kitty is alone, Rachel, Rogue and Sasquatch are unconscious and Colossus is being carried Gambit and Nightcrawler. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. How did everyone get dispersed like that? How did a tank and a giant animal get knocked unconscious by debris? Why didn't Kitty phase Colossus and Rogue? Why didn't Rachel use her TK? NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

Anyway, the second ship is now buried in rubble.

Colossus propopes to lift the rubble, while Nightcrawler and Gambit go wake up Rogue and Sasquatch. Rachel is unconscious too, but I guess everyone realized at this point that's her natural state of being these days. Meanwhile, surfer dude Pyro and Storm destroy the nanites without much trouble. Man oh man was this a tense moment!!! It's almost like the actual story is window dressing for embarassing character moments.

Rogue and Sasquatch can't be woken up (I guess that was some heavy debris) so Colossus has to do it all on his lonesome. Colossus armours up and he's back to his old ribbed design, as Alpha restored his X-gene. Side fucking note: What was the point of this "mystery" when the only effect it had was that Colossus looked a tiny bit different for 20 issues. And we only learned that his X-gene had altered literally one panel before Alpha fixed it. THIS WRITING IS SO GOOD they should let this guy write a Green Lantern movie or something.

Colossus lifts the thing, everyone gets into the ship and Rachel is conventiently awake again to transfer the flight knowledge from Sasquatch to Gambit.

At the Triskelion, Nance is being kept in a holding cell (still in her evening wear lol) and now we get to the dumbest part. Kitty's backup plan with Iceman was luring Alpha, needing to be at full power to save her, to Nance and then FREEZING him, which would definitively beat him or something. This is so goddamn stupid, but at least the narrative agrees since Alpha kept a clone somewhere safe. So I hope you like Alpha since it looks like he'll be back AGAIN.

Finally, at the hospital Kitty calls Colossus "baby" (Brother Bendis would've used a Yiddish term of affection) again for the second time this issue and then says they're getting married even though Colossus doesn't consent.

Wow oh wow was this arc a piece of ****. We've gone through four issues and absolutely nothing's changed. This book has always been lazy (what's this once-upon-a-time flagship's mission statement even supposed to be?), but the amount of storytelling shortcuts being heaped on the narrative is reaching critical mass at this point. Characters haven't gone through any development at all, the story was non-existent, the threat was a joke, as usual the plot gets resolved in the most mundane way possible, as if we shouldn't have paid attention to it to begin with. As usual, a lot of characters get wasted, though it's fun to see Storm get a FEAT now every issue, as if that means anything. The debris crash is Guggs at his laziest, dumping characters he conveniently doesn't need so that either Kitty or Colossus fixes the problem. The voyeuristic nature of the Kitty/Colossus (nee Marc) relationship continues as we are forced to peak into a writer's attempt to be forced into marriage by his doting fictional girlfriend. Guggs goes out of his way throughout the flashbacks to show that Kitty's entire life is meaningless without Colossus, which is obviously Peak Feminist. And in 29 issues he hasn't done the slightest thing to make Colossus a character in his own right. He just is a safe, easily relatable object of affection. At least when Austen did romance, it was funny. I can't wait for the BatCat wedding. 10/10 best issue yet.

Bonus speculation question: how is Guggs going to humiliate Star-Lord in the wedding issue?

[Dementia5]

You may have noticed I didn't do a review thread of #28. Or that nobody else did either. That's because literally nothing happened in that issue aside from moving from point A (the Savage Land) to point B (space). In a way, because nothing offensive happened in it, that also makes it 10/10, best issue yet.

The bar. It is low.

Let us limbo.

[PenUltimateInkmaster]

Not gonna lie. The only reason I even read Gold is to have something to laugh and point at. I'm not angry anymore. I live for snarky reviews; they get me through the day.

[Captain Nash]

Not gonna lie. The only reason I even read Gold is to have something to laugh and point at. I'm not angry anymore. I live for snarky reviews; they get me through the day.

The only reason I read gold anymore is to read what's going on with Stor...wait no. Nightcra....nope. Kitty? She's not in any better books is she? I'll be honest the only reason I read X-Men gold anymore is completionists sake.

[stormphoenix]

I read Gold for the laugh and giggles. And StormCaster. Yay Hammer Time.

[Jesse-James]

Wow, Mr. Negative must be walking around somewhere on this forum and infected lots of members. Run people, call the superheroes!

[Sin Nick]

For all the hate this book receives, one would think it was selling poorly. I'm not buying(or reading lol), but somebody is as it's selling reasonably well by today's standard.

[Omegarogue]

This was so weird for me, as Rogue and Sasquatch were unconscious, for something so slight, I say rare for someone super strong, and more when Rogue is a class 100 +++ and we have seen it amazing things in Uncanny Avengers.

I understand that they would leave K.O if they wanted Colossus to do something, since she right now in canon is much stronger than him, but come on, could they have elaborated better this not?


So far it had seemed good to me as Gugem portrayed Rogue, but with this he takes a step back, now I understand how most were annoyed because everyone was knocked out less Kitty, casually XD.

[Maestroneto]

For all the hate this book receives, one would think it was selling poorly. I'm not buying(or reading lol), but somebody is as it's selling reasonably well by today's standard.

It's the "main" book with plenty of fan favorites.

[Sin Nick]

It's the "main" book with plenty of fan favorites.

I don't understand this... what makes it the main book? Isn't Red selling better and with more fan favorites?

[lurkerforyears]

Haven't read this but Rogue and Sasquatch should be as strong or stronger than Colossus. Sasquatch is comparable to The Thing in strength.

[Jalysia]

Oh so we got Rogue taking a nap to?

*sigh*

[Crimz]

I don't understand this... what makes it the main book? Isn't Red selling better and with more fan favorites?

Red is more of a Jean book and it's relatively new. This book is meant to be the main one and fans are loyal to their favorite characters if anything, and even when written badly they will still pick up the books with them in it.
Also, this book keeps adding more fan favorites like Rogue and Iceman.

[Sin Nick]

Red is more of a Jean book and it's relatively new. This book is meant to be the main one and fans are loyal to their favorite characters if anything, and even when written badly they will still pick up the books with them in it.

Well if Red is more of a Jean book, isn't Gold more of a Kitty book? If we look at it that way, I'm pretty sure X-fans would consider Red to be the main X-book as of now. Not to mention with the addition of Storm, Nightcrawler(who are both in Gold for some reason lol), and Gambit, Red just has more going for it atm. I'm not a fan of either book to be honest though, just calling it how I see it.

[TheCape]

Red is more of a Jean book and it's relatively new. This book is meant to be the main one and fans are loyal to their favorite characters if anything, and even when written badly they will still pick up the books with them in it.
Also, this book keeps adding more fan favorites like Rogue and Iceman.

Iceman is a fan favorite?, man i really lost touch with the fanbase.